Saturday, September 22, 2012

Let no man put asunder.


     The first time it happened, I’d only had her a few months, but I knew she was the one. She went home for her annual vacation, when she always scheduled her yearly physical with the same doctor she’d had since she was a teenager. I got a call from the hospital. She was having test, serious test, and trying to be brave. I did too, until I hung up the phone. She was fifteen hundred miles away and I felt the first wave of what it would feel like not to have her in my life. We had been together only eight weeks, but I knew in my soul she was my missing piece. I remember crying and asking God why he would give her to me, just to take her away. Yes, I asked God, because I truly believe she is my gift from the universe, sent to save me.
     I’ve been criticized for the love at first sight story lines in some of my books. I’ve had people say that never happens in real life. They are wrong. It does, and did happen to me. The first time I laid eyes on her, it clicked. I did not imagine it. It happened. I physically felt the presence of my other half within seconds of seeing her, and yes, everything made sense. I had felt things I did not fully understand, so to those that say a straight girl that falls that fast wasn’t straight to begin with, I give credence to that. I was, I believe, predisposed to be a lesbian, but up to that moment I had not acted on those confusing feelings, and never felt anything like what I experienced when she walked into that theatre lobby. Call it destiny, fate, happenstance, I knew I had found my missing piece, and though I knew the road ahead would not be easy, I had no choice but to fall head over heels in love with her. I loved her already.
     The first scare turned into just that, a scare. The second time, it was more than that. She stopped breathing and I had to perform CPR to get her back. That’s when we learned about severe hypoglycemia. When she recovered from that incident, I spent months having nightmares of her fixed and dilated eyes, but we survived. Then came the breast cancer. I never knew the full extent of her strength, until I saw her take that disease head on, never once feeling sorry for herself. The only time she cried was when they knocked her two front teeth out while she was having the cancer surgery. I was a basket case, but tried not to let her see it. We survived that too.
     Last spring, she developed hypoglycemic unawareness. As the name indicates, she had no idea her condition had changed. We discovered it, when I again had to do CPR, this time long enough for me to think she was gone for good. I have never been so terrified in my entire life. I was still trembling days later. The nightmares followed and still rear their ugly heads months later. In those few seconds that I allowed myself to think she would never smile at me again, I felt my world fade away to nothing, for that is what I would have without her.
     I’m writing this, not to people who understand what it is to love someone that much and be loved in return, but to those who would think that my love is a sin. To those who have lost a partner and had to suffer the indignity of having people dismiss their pain because of the sexuality of the couple, I hear you loud and clear. I have only this to say to the bible thumpers who believe the creator thinks less of me, one of his creations, and I will quote from your religious ceremony, the one you would withhold from me and mine. “What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.” People should think about what that really says. I know the heavens played a part in granting me this love. I thank them every day.
     So, you see, no matter what you throw at us, we’ve been through worse, and we’re still here, twenty-five years and counting. The chances of a girl born and raised on the coast of North Carolina meeting a girl from Oklahoma were astronomical. Lots of things happened to each of us that made our finding each other possible. The stars aligned, the fates blew their horns, and she wound up walking through those doors at just the right moment. Oh, hell yeah, I believe in a higher power. I am also absolutely sure that power believes in this love too. Why make a matching set, if they are not meant to be together?
Again, I say, “What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.”

7 comments:

  1. Thank you for this. You always have the right words that so many of us want to express. I’m glad there is you to do that for us.

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  2. Exquisitely said, my friend. I will hold this story in my heart always. You have been blessed in many ways. Sharing your work is a gift to us.
    jeanne

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  3. I greatly admire the love and the artistry behind your words and the generosity you exhibit in sharing them with us. Thank you.

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  4. absolutely spot on fantastic.

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  5. Wow. Touching and holds the feeling of truth in the reader. Thanks for sharing this. It means far more than you might realize.
    Sam

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    1. Hang in there Sam. I know right now things are scary, but you stay positive.

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    2. I am so sorry to hear of your loss, RE. I lost my first partner after 25 years together so i can well understand the pain and the feeling of loss you are experiencing.

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